Feeling Small, Stories - Day 36
it’s interesting to be able to see the kids’ personalities begin to seep through. even though i cannot understand them most of the time, i can see their nonverbals, their mannerisms. it’s interesting to realize what people here typically see you as. a white person = a rich person. 99 percent of the time that is probably true. most of these people will never have close to the material wealth i have. that makes a few things cross my mind. i am small and insignificant in the world. not to say i don’t matter, but my worries and problems are so tiny, its hard to understand. i can never feel guilty for what i cannot control, nor embarrased. i was born into the wealth i have. i should feel thankful, but never guilty.
mama looked sad as she read a story tonite. i told her the nite before i wanted to record her story. tonite, rather than repeating the story she told last nite off the cuff, she read a story by flashlight. she looked proud but shy as i filmed. she laughed her usual laugh at the end, but i felt embarrassed for asking her to do that for me. i think abdallah asked if i wanted the other story, and i said yes, and wanted to set better lighting. mama seemed annoyed/impatient, and trying to humour me. i said maybe tomorrrow.
the scenery is beautiful here. yesterday i was feeling bit whiney, annoyed i couldn’t get my precious internet and not wanting to be here. today was a new day. i spoke plenty of kiswahili, went for a walk with my brothers and sister and a new boy named jon, ate a good dinner, looked at the stars (which made me feel smaller, still) and generally enjoyed the day.
